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It’s Only Natural

14 Jul

If you think about it, people who are questioning or discontent with their gender should be the majority, not the minority in our society. The same goes for people who are questioning their sexual orientation. All human beings should question both of these patriarchal ideas. Regarding gender. Isn’t it more logical to be confused and discontent with the patriarchal prescribed gender roles, then to be compliant? Aren’t these gender constructs dysfunctional and the anti-thesis of liberation?  If we were all awake to our patriarchal brainwashing, wouldn’t we all be gender dysphoric? Do we really believe that gender roles; femininity and/or masculinity are natural? Isn’t femininity stripped down to its foundation subservient behavior and masculinity dominant behavior?

Should either one of these dichotomies be associated with either biological sex? Aren’t males and females a balance of both and so much more? Aren’t we all complex human beings?  Shouldn’t we be able to be authentic to ourselves and not be forced into behaving feminine or masculine because of our biological sex? We live in a social system that is dictating to us how males and females should behave which benefits patriarchy and the mandate that men must dominate women. Our society sets human beings up for questioning or being confused about their gender because the gender constructs are so constricting and rigid and the pressure to be one or the other is tremendous.

We have to ask ourselves why is this the case, that our society cannot have males acting feminine and females acting masculine? Why is this such a taboo to the extent that we are poisoning and torturing our children physically just to make sure this doesn’t happen? Why is it that when a child or adult naturally and healthily questions their gender, instead of allowing and supporting the questioning and rebellion, we coerce them into believing they are deviant and have a disorder and put a band aid on them instead of trying to cure the actual problem that created the gender dsyphoria in the first place?

Could the answer be that patriarchy can’t have feminine/subservient men therefore we must force the men who behave this way into looking like women? We can’t have masculine/dominant women therefore we must force the women who behave this way into looking like men? Isn’t coercing people to surgically change their bodies to look like the other sex to match their behavior not only a form of physical torture for rebelling against gender, but also at its base level, a patriarchal mandate to ensure that females remain subservient to males? A mandate to keep patriarchy in tact at the detriment of the human beings who live in it?

It amazes me that we can’t see as a society that it is the gender roles that are the problem and that being confused or discontented with the same is not an individual disorder but a healthy and natural response to a much larger disorder.

The same goes for the patriarchal idea of sexual orientation, that heterosexuality is normal and anything else is deviant. If you think about it, isn’t being a lesbian in patriarchy a more healthy response to our patriarchal environment than being heterosexual?  In patriarchy aren’t men the anti-theses of female liberation and safety?  Isn’t it true that men disrespect, violate, rape and murder females on an epidemic level?  Yet we are being coerced into believing that heterosexuality in said environment is normal and natural?  Is the idea that we must love and be with men, who do these things to us, logical or reasonable in any way?

Just like gender roles and the idea that females should be feminine/subservient and males should be masculine /dominant, the idea that heterosexuality is normal and anything else is deviant is also a LIE.

Gender roles were created by men so that they could have license to oppress and dominate women. Heterosexuality was also created by men so that they could have access to oppress and dominate women, both are the foundation of patriarchy. Let’s face it; women are not safe around men. You take men out of the equation and women are no longer in danger. So why then are we being told that it is right and normal to be with men or to be heterosexual? What is also interesting is that the idea of being born gay is now mainstream whereas historically it was all about choice. Why do you think this idea changed from being a matter of choice to now being a matter of biology? Delilah Campbell wrote:

“In the heyday of the Women’s and Gay Liberation Movements, the view was widely held that sexuality was socially constructed, and indeed relatively plastic: lesbianism, in particular, was presented by some feminists as a political choice. But in the last 20 years this view has largely withered away. Faced with well-organized opponents denouncing their perverted ‘lifestyle choices’, some prominent gay/lesbian activists and organizations began promoting the counter-argument that homosexuals are born, not made. Of course the ‘born that way’ argument had always had its supporters, but today it has hardened into an orthodoxy which you deviate from at your peril.

Since ‘born that way’ became the orthodox line, there has been more mainstream acceptance of and sympathy for the cause of gay/lesbian equality, as we’ve seen most recently in the success of campaigns for same-sex marriage. Though it is possible this shift in public attitudes would have happened anyway, it seems likely that the shift away from social constructionism helped, by making the demand for gay rights seem less of a political threat. The essentialist argument implies that the straight majority will always be both straight and in the majority, because that’s how nature has arranged things. No one need fear that granting rights to gay people will result in thousands of new ‘converts’ to their ‘lifestyle’: straight people won’t choose to be gay, just as gay people can’t choose to be straight.”

If females especially resist the patriarchal idea of “heterosexuality” and claim to be born gay, they then are not a threat to patriarchy and it’s oppressive ideas, because then society can claim they are deviant. That they are victims to their biology and have no choice in not wanting to be with men. Their lesbianism is being dictated by their biology, not because men are abusive & disrespectful.  On the other hand, if females are actively choosing not to be with males, to not be heterosexual, this is a threat to patriarchy because they are doing the sane and reasonable thing. These women are not seen as victims to their biology like women who claim to be born gay.  This choosing brings up more questions and the patriarchal powers that be, don’t want these questions to see the light of day.

People who claim to be born gay can more easily gain the legal rights and protections that they need within the patriarchal box without threatening the actual box. This was the only way that the LGB community could protect themselves against discrimination within patriarchy. The same is true for the trans-activists who are using the same biological agenda to gain rights and protections they need and want, some turning out to be to the detriment of females.

What is important here is that we need to allow women to choose freely whether or not they want to be with men and to not make them feel that they must feel biologically compelled to not be with men, like they have no choice when in fact they do and the only sane and safest choice is to choose not to be with men.

What is ironic and perplexing however is that the need for this biological platform wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the patriarchal ideas (lies) about gender and sexual orientation. We are all born into an oppressive anti-female society that is dictating to us very restrictive ideas about gender and sexual orientation for one reason–to keep women under the control of men which keeps patriarchy strong. When human beings are born into such an oppressive strict system of rules for gender and sexual orientation, it is only natural that they resist such ideas. The surprising thing is that more of us don’t. And even more ridiculous is that the ones who are resisting are considered deviant. That is a testament to how powerful patriarchal conditioning and coercion really is.

When we do resist within such an oppressive system, we are then deemed “deviant” by the system and must fight to not be discriminated against by the same system, when in reality it is the system that needs to be abolished, it is the system that ails us all.  Just like gender, sexual orientation is being dictated to us by our social system. This is why gender roles and heterosexuality is so important because they both keep patriarchy strong.  So then I ask you, even though we are taught that it is only natural to be feminine women, masculine men and/or heterosexual human beings, isn’t the opposite true? In patriarchy, isn’t it more  natural to question, resist and actively rebel against these ideas?


Michele Braa-Heidner

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Read all About it! Men are Victims to Pornography!

17 Nov

There have been studies that suggest that men have less empathy due to elevated testosterone. If these studies are accurate (and not just more biological essentialist BS) and our patriarchal masculine war centered society pumps up the volume on testosterone–promoting it & even worshiping it — then male empathy in said society would be lacking due to these factors. This of course is dependent on many variables. Genetics, environment, primary socialization, secondary socialization etc…. I’ve seen men who are very empathetic and young boys who show emotion and get bullied from other boys because of it–basically they are bullied right out of expressing emotions in a healthy way and promoted to only show it in angry ways. My first husband would yell at my son telling him to stop crying and he told me he did this because he didn’t want him to be bullied in school for showing emotion around other boys (because that is what happened to him).

I think our masculine patriarchal culture frowns upon men feeling any emotion except anger so when a man is hurt he is not allowed to process this hurt (by outwardly emoting) and is instead promoted to externalize it as anger and to process his hurt feelings in the only socially condoned way–by taking it out on women. And since women are seen as sex objects and are the sex class in patriarchy, not considered to be autonomous human beings, but owned by men, the development of pornography makes perfect sense in this unhealthy environment. Pornography becomes the ideal outlet for men to take their anger out on women sexually.  It is about cause and effect.  The cause is patriarchy and all of its horrific unhealthy mechanisms, including but not limited to; misogyny, gender roles & compulsory heterosexuality.  The effect is pornography.

Lately there has been a lot discussion about pornography being addictive for men. That they can’t stop viewing it because they are addicted to  to the sexual violence.  Although pornography is an obvious symptom of patriarchy, I think it is problematic if not dangerous to focus on pornography as an addiction, because by doing so, we forget about the cause of pornography and its dangers and only focus on the effect–specifically the effect on men.  Further, if we don’t eliminate the root cause, another platform for men to act out the misogyny inherit in our society will crop up.  Pornography is merely the symptom of a much larger disease.  If we claim that pornography is an addiction which then leads to claiming it is a disease (because the USA claims addiction is a disease even though this was never scientifically or medically proven and all other countries do not accept the “disease” model of addiction), then we only focus on the symptom and not on the disease itself, much like most of our medical institutions created in patriarchy focus on treating the symptoms and not the whole person or the disease, we also eliminate any conversation or analysis of the root cause.  I can imagine then that we begin to demonize the women in pornography (the actual victims). I can see the headlines now:

“Here ye!  Here ye! Read all about it!  Pornography is a disease afflicting men around the world!  Those unwholesome female porn stars are causing men pain and suffering!!  We need to save these men from those heathens!!

This type of mentality already exists regarding prostituted women. The term “prostitution” is revealing in itself because it only speaks about the act of women prostituting themselves and not the men who drive the demand due to their own misogyny and idea that they can purchase females like commodities to rape for money.  Prostituted women are demonized and blamed for tempting men to do evil things. The men aren’t looked at or blamed for their actions and most of the time, they aren’t held responsible legally either.  This is a tradition in patriarchy to blame women for male sexual perversions.  I don’t know what the answer is within the patriarchal frame, but I do know that continuing to claim that men are victims to their misogynist choices is not the answer.  This stance has never helped to solve the epidemic of prostituted, sexually trafficked (including in pornography) girls and women who are used and abused and thrown away like used condoms, but instead has only made it worse for them.  These girls and women are the patsies in the bigger scenario, a smoke screen to keep us from looking deeper at the real problem–the socially condoned inhumane treatment of females.

Perhaps we  should wake up and begin to realize that we live in a very unhealthy environment, especially for women and children, that perpetuates violence against females due to its hyper masculine, hierarchical, monetarily driven infrastructure.  That our ideals are warped and that our disrespect for women is systemic.  Perhaps we should focus on criminalizing the making of pornography and help the victims to get out by monetarily and emotionally supporting them?  We need to realize that girls and women because of limited financial choices and support and the perpetual ingrained idea that they are nothing but sex objects, that their worth is sex, nothing more, are being coerced into pornography. That especially vulnerable girls and women are being groomed by manipulative pimps into a life of sexual enslavement and despair.   They are the victims here, not the men who claim to be “addicted” to porn.  Let’s heal the real disease here—PATRIARCHY.  If we as a society really gave a shit about women we would stand up and say, enough is enough and stop it in its tracks instead of debating whether or not men are addicted to porn.

If we did not live in patriarchy and its capitalist, military environment and were all born equal regardless of our sex and allowed to be emotional human beings without being forced into gender roles and heterosexuality, both sexes could be healthy, non violent and respectful of each other. Further, the idea of prostitution, trafficking and pornography would be completely frowned upon because the entire society, all human beings would never allow such disrespect. Since we understand historically that testosterone in the peach tree dish of patriarchy can limit empathy in males then we would keep this in mind and never promote the hyper testosterone ideology that we currently do in patriarchal societies. Further, we might also ensure that all leadership has equal amounts of females and males or even better and safer, more females than males because we know that the male propensity towards domination and violence is something we must be leery of. We’ve seen it in action.

Unfortunately, our hyper masculine culture serves the elite and because one of the handy dandy symptoms of hyper masculinity is fear and because fear of violence promotes hyper consumerism this will not change until we dismantle the current leadership which are predominantly males who have all the money.  Since at least the USA is completely run by money, this will not be an easy task and further, because pornography is monetarily lucrative, eliminating it will be difficult—-but we must try.  If we focus on pornography as an addiction that is harming men, then nothing will change except more pain and suffering for females and more of the same attention on males. If we focus all of our energy on pornography as a symptom of a larger disease and work on dismantling patriarchy, we can save all of humanity.

Violent Devices

16 Dec

In almost all mass murders there are two things in common; MEN and GUNS. If you take men out of the equation, the mass murders and gun violence would stop. If you take guns out of the equation, men would still murder and kill by using different weapons or purchasing them illegally or worse by creating home made bombs. We live in a masculine culture of necrophilia where everything revolves around DEATH. We also live in a society where the solution is right under our noses but because we dismiss females outright as having any significance, we are blind to it. We need to stop thinking of females as benign objects that are to be seen and not heard and begin to think about them as the SOLUTION. We need to finally recognize that historically females have proven to be non violent, cooperative & peaceful.  Consequently, we need to model our societies from female ideals and behaviors. This is the only way we can grow and evolve into non violent societies that revolve around LIFE.

We need to understand that the reason America and other patriarchal societies are violent is BECAUSE females are oppressed and disenfranchised. The most violent places on earth are places where women are the most oppressed or completely absent, like the Taliban in the Middle East and male prisons. We have to ask ourselves, why is this the case? Why does violence escalate or become epidemic in places where women have no rights or where they are completely absent? Females have always tempered male violence when they have equal standing in a society.  In egalitarian and matriarchal societies violence is foreign. It isn’t even in their vocabulary because LIFE is preciously nurtured.  If we look at all the variables and include in our analysis non patriarchal societies, we finally begin to see the problem; 50% of the human population is being discriminated to DEATH, leaving men to their own violent devices.

An Excercise in Logic

21 Oct

Question: If men are superior, stronger & more powerful than women, why do they oppress women?

Answer: Because male superiority, strength and power is dependent on the oppression of women.

Question: If men are more powerful than women, why do they oppose the equality of women?

Answer:  Because male power is a direct result and dependent on the inequality of women.

Question: If male superiority and power is dependent on the oppression and inequality of women, isn’t that the antithesis of true superiority and power?

Answer:  Because male power is dependent on the oppression and inequality of women, it is not true superiority and power but instead an addiction.

Question: If male superiority and power is not true superiority and power but instead an addiction to the oppression and inequality of women, doesn’t this suggest that there is something wrong with men?

Answer:  Since men must oppress and maintain the inequality of women to feel superior and powerful, the actual oppression and maintaining of inequality acts as their drug that masks something even more sinister.

Question: If male oppression and maintenance of the inequality of women is a drug that makes men feel superior and powerful, isn’t this the opposite of superiority and power  — inferiority and powerlessness?

Answer:  B.I.N.G.O.


By Michele Braa-Heidner

Let’s Play Name the Perpetrator!

7 Oct

The following list is from  I am posting this list to point out a magicians trick, a slight of hand that plays out every day in patriarchy-land. It’s a game called– Never name the male perpetrator–and it’s playing near you!  Critics call it  a mind numbing brigade of  benign abstract terms to distract you from what is behind the curtain, which just happens to be the truth!

HOWEVER, because today is NO BULLSHIT day, we are going to play a different game called;  Name the perpetrator!

Instead of saying this:

  • Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.  

Say this:

  • Every 9 seconds in the US a man assaults or beats a woman.

Instead of saying this:

  • Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

Say this:

  • Around the world, men beat & coerce into sex and otherwise abuse one in every three women during in her lifetime, most often, the male abuser is a member of her own family.

Instead of saying this:

  • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

Say this:

  • Male  domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings and Male rapes combined.

Instead of saying this:

  • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.

Say this:

  • Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of male domestic violence annually.

This one’s OK:  

  • Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.

This one’s OK:

  • Every day in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

Instead of saying this:

  • Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.

Say this:

  • Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing male domestic violence and male sexual assault as their top concern.

Instead of saying this:

  • Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

Say this:

  • Male domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

Instead of saying this:

  • Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.

Say this:

  • Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their male partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters or the police for help.

Instead of saying this:

  • The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.

Say this:

  • The cost of male  intimate partner violence in the US along exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.

This is OK:

  • Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.

The term “Domestic violence” completely denies the existence of the person who is doing the violence and makes it sound like women are getting beaten by their laundry detergent.  Instead of calling it “Domestic violence” , we should call it “Male domestic violence.”  Further, terms like “The war on women”, “Violence against women” and so on, act like smoke screens to hide what is really going on. They talk about the female victims and not the males who victimize them. They make it seem like some abstract phenomenon is killing women;  “Domestic, “the war” or “violence” hangs there detached without even a hint or suggestion that there is an arm attached to a hand that is attached to a hammer that is attached to a man that is systematically bludgeoning women.

We do this because of the false, misguided and utterly ironic idea that we need men to help us fight against the “war on women” and “violence against women”. We do this because we presume that if we never actually point the finger of blame at men for their “war on women” and their “violence against women” they will then join us in our fight against these mysterious female maladies. We don’t name the male perpetrator because we believe that if we do, we will alienate men and without men, we can’t win the fight. This of course is another patriarchal slight of hand, a lie and complete mumbo jumbo.  Continuing the denial in order to spare male feelings in an attempt to recruit them into the cause, has only harmed the cause by making it a female problem, instead of a male violence problem. This is the irony. If men continue their denial, and if we continue to walk on eggshells around the truth, this in and of itself thwarts attempts to solve it.  If we have to propagate a lie to get men to help, this is a problem in itself, because if men aren’t able to admit that it is a male problem and not just a female problem, then they continue to be the problem.

  • We can’t fix the problem by denying the problem.
  • We can’t fix the problem with the problem.


Michele Braa-Heidner

Starving the Vampire

15 Sep

To be the women behind the men is what women do in patriarchy. Putting their energy into men because they have never been taught to put it into themselves, to be selfish, the state of being that all men enjoy. Women prop men up, help them achieve power, even though men are already ordained to do so without question in the society they made for themselves. For men its a win, win. For women and life on earth a lose, lose. Women have been trained to be men from birth and to despise women. They are fragmented, a part of them feeding men, pushing them forth, giving birth to men so that they will be something in this life, because women know they can not. The other fragment  looks down on their female selves and all other women, blaming themselves and other women for male violence, for the victimization of the female, the victimization of themselves.  To be a woman is not cool, good  or right. It is so deeply ingrained in women that women do it kinetically. It is the ultimate natural unnatural, the slight of hand, the reversal of reversals.  As Mary Daly brilliantly wrote in her book “Pure Lust”.

  “Within the Virulent State of phallocracy, ***women have been attacked and divided against our Selves***. From the earliest times of the patriarchy, countless mothers have been broken and the resulting broken daughters have carried on the chain of fragmentation. . . .”

“They have been reduced to responding to the fettered/fathered urge to reproduce their altered–(that is, patriarchally identified selves)– in an endless circle of Self destruction. Such forcibly altered women have appeared to be normal within the man made milieu.”

It’s extremely horrifying to be a woman and to know this. To live day to day breathing in the poison of patriarchy and watching the male beast in action, pissing on everything that lives and devouring its own tail. It takes all of my will not to cut off my breath and pluck out my eyes. Then when I think I can bear no more, I see my sisters unknowingly supporting them like the Stepford Wives on TV but worse– oh so much worse– liberal sex positive feminist Stepford Wives. I cannot bare it. To know it with your soul that women are trained to be the sustenance for men, the blood and energy that supports them, that keeps them ruling our world and destroying it. To know this and to see it play out in front of me no matter where I look, it is inescapable– even in my minds eye. We can’t change men or stop them from being megalomaniacs, but we can stop feeding them and patriarchy with our energy and blood. Women must, because our existence depends on it, understand that men are vampires and women are their food. Understand that women are the only human beings who can be trusted with the charge of our planet, and it is time that we put our arms around Her once again. I would gladly die if I were promised that all women would know this horrible truth and with this truth cut off the food source. Starve it so that it dies, so that the almighty “he” dies forever……..

Patriarchy + Fear + The American way of killing + Males + Mental Illness + Testosterone = Mass Murder.

25 Jul

Michael Moore wrote this article analyzing what he thinks are the reasons for the Colorado mass murders, titled “It’s the Guns–but We All Know It’s Not the Guns”,

Much like the movie “Bowling for Columbine” he comes to the same conclusion, that it is the American way of fear mongering which leads to a lot of gun violence.  That our political arena and mass media pumps out fear on a constant basis and shows us very prompt ways to feel better, to not be so afraid, to not feel like a victim, to pick up a gun and blast away at what you are afraid of. I usually like Michael Moore’s analysis, and I equally liked “Bowling for Columbine” however, he is no different than other non-feminists, especially men, who will not do a thorough analysis looking at all variables such as patriarchy and eliminating variables that are not a factor such as females out of the equation of male violence. Mass murder sprees like the one at the movie theater have never been committed by women– never. Gun deaths in America are mostly committed by men, some say the statistic is as much as 97%. So if the American way is killing what you fear and using guns is just convenient, then why has this  affected men 97% of the time and women 3%?  Why aren’t we looking at this disparity and using it in our analysis instead of lumping females into male categories, deeming them guilty by association for male violence?  Predominantly, historically, it hasn’t been human nature to kill, but instead male nature. Within human nature there is also female nature and her nature has proven to be nonviolent. Even though this fact is glaringly obvious, written in all of our historical documents, we as a society do not consciously recognize it as true. Why?

I believe one of the reasons is that we don’t separate female behavior out from male behavior because in patriarchy males are the default sex representing both sexes and females and their behaviors including nonviolence, are obscured behind males and their behaviors including violence. We all have this mentality and because we think this is normal, we do not question its validity. It is men who do most of the killing worldwide and yet this is never mentioned and this article is no different. How can we fix the problem if we don’t name the perpetrators? If most gun deaths are committed by men and fear + the American way of killing is to blame for this, then why are men the only ones affected by this phenomenon? Normally Michael Moore will look at all of the variables but in the case of looking at men solely as the problem, he falls short and this is the norm in our society. He writes an article about how it isn’t guns, and goes onto surmise that it is the American Way of killing out of fear that is the culprit; however, he doesn’t take his research even further. Why? Why not include and eliminate all variables? Why not get to the  bottom of the analysis, to the Naked Truth? Perhaps he too, like all of us sheeple who have been socialized in patriarchy, is brainwashed into believing that patriarchy is the only type of society and that the male sex is the only sex that matters;  therefore, he never even considers females or their behavior in his analysis at all.

If Moore did do a thorough analysis, he would add in patriarchy, a male dominated society with a dominant masculine culture, he would then need to ask the question; how does a patriarchal society that is based on masculine ideals play into this? Who is pumping the American people full of fear and images of shooting the enemy? If our government & political system & our mighty corporations are all predominantly run by men who have masculine, violent, greedy and sinister intentions to control the American people, then patriarchy and the imbalance of female energy could play a significant role in this problem. If we then take it down to an individual level, the man who committed mass murder, could it be mental illness? And if yes, why don’t females with the same mental illness go on mass murder sprees? Could it be because males are socialized to be violent outwardly and females are socialized to be violent against themselves? Therefore if men have mental illnesses, they would reach for guns and commit mass murders and females would try to harm themselves? Could testosterone play a role as well along with the mental illness? Since males have mostly testosterone and females very little, could the mental illness and the testosterone be an issue, especially at the age of both shooters (and most mass murderers) when their testosterone was at the highest (in Colorado for example, at Columbine and at the movie theater), could this have played a part? Or could it even be the fragile male ego and insecurities, lack of emotional development on top of the rest of issues? Do all of these factors add up to a perfect storm; patriarchy + fear + the American way of killing + males + mental illness + testosterone  = mass murder?

If that is true then what is the reason for male violence worldwide? Why is there an epidemic of male violence against females? Why is the male sex so violent? Because we aren’t looking at variables such as patriarchy and eliminating variables such as women in trying to figure out these mass murders and for most of the violence on planet earth, we continue to be impotent in finding a solution. By looking at patriarchy and the imbalance of female input into patriarchal societies, which would be nonviolent solution making and cooperation, we ultimately have societies like America that have an epidemic of gun shootings predominantly committed by men.

Michele Braa-Heidner

Patriarchy–the Original Rape

24 Jun

I was reading a post by Eve Bit First called a – man -is -a -rape-supporter if:  and the following is a snippet of her article:

“A man is a rape-supporter if…

  • He has ever sexually engaged with any woman while she was underage, drunk, high, physically restrained, unconscious, or subjected to psychological, physical, economic, or emotional coercion.
  • He defends the current legal definition of rape and/or opposes making consent a defense.
  • He has accused a rape victim of having “buyer’s remorse” or wanting to get money from the man.
  • He has blamed a woman for “putting herself in a situation” where she “could be” attacked.
  • He has procured a prostitute.
  • He characterizes prostitution as a “legitimate” “job” “choice” or defends men who purchase prostitutes.
  • He has ever revealed he conceives of sex as fundamentally transactional.”

I understand where Eve was going with this and agree entirely; however, I would venture to take it even further to suggest that perhaps any form of sexual intercourse between a male and a female within the patriarchal box is a form of rape. I say this because patriarchy, a man made social system designed to enslave, control, oppress and objectify women for the benefit of men is not a good environment for building healthy sexual relationships, on the contrary, quite the opposite happens.  Men and women brought up in patriarchy are not equal in status and whenever there is an individual who is of higher status then the other, the relationship dynamic comes into question and we need to think about the limited options of females and the choices that necessarily ensue because of  those limited options. Men created patriarchy and they dictated the acceptable male/female gender roles and the statuses of the same so that they could have free reign over females including making sure they are sexually available.

This is extremely evident in the fact that our laws regarding prosecuting a rapist have been more beneficial to the rapist than to the victim. If men and women in current times are still carrying this mentality then men are victimizing women at all times in their minds without ever touching them; consequently, it follows that if men do carry out the sex act they violate women again physically because the relationship between the man and woman are fundamentally unequal. The man’s status is higher therefore he approaches sex with entitlement and even if he doesn’t overtly coerce her, his entitlement to human status over all other creatures including women who have no such entitlement can be nothing other then  coercion.  In patriarchy, male coercion directed at females doesn’t have to be in an active sense because it is an innate characteristic of our society.  All women have been coerced to believe that they don’t exist apart from men and that it is their identity to serve men. He is the predator because he comes from the world is my oyster type of reality and she is the victim because she comes from the world that dictates that she can only gain membership into existing though osmosis,  her relationship with men.  He knows that he has the right to have her body and she knows that she has no rights over her own body.

Their are those who argue that if we claim that all heterosexual sex is rape that this claim will muddy the waters and thereby diminish the validity of actual rape.  I can certainly understand where this fear comes from; nevertheless, the idea is absurd.  What is “actual rape”? Where does the definition come from and who defined it? In the World Dictionary rape is defined:

“The unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.”

Actual rape defined is “physical force or duress”. This definition is ridiculously simplistic and limited because it explains rape from the male perspective, not the female.  This of course is typical in patriarchy because literally everything in patriarchy is defined by men, even the definition of what a woman should be.  All experiences are defined by men, even the experience of rape that happens primarily to women by men.  The world that we know has been created and defined by men which makes women’s existence in that world foreign.

Because men have been the sole definers of women, what they are, should be and the definition of what a woman should be is completely dependent on her serving men, not herself, she cannot live in her own body, see through her own eyes, be herself because she is always outside looking in though his eyes, even at herself. He lives in her head at all times, he is her minds eye. In short, she judges herself by her worth to men. Women are outsiders even when it comes to our own experiences, including rape because women are outsiders even in their own bodies.  What this means is that even women define rape in a masculine way.  Not only does society blame women for being raped, women also blame themselves because she is defining what happened to her through male ideas, through the male perspective, though his eyes.

If we look at the idea of duress however we get a glimpse of what is really happening.  All women are under duress who grow up in patriarchal societies, from the womb until we are born. Women after birth are indoctrinated to be the male prescribed “feminine” and this means the total obliteration of her authentic self that has nothing to do with being feminine.  The male prescribed female is dependent on men and this was not an accident but instead by male design. Females are taught that the only way they can exist is to be what men want them to be because otherwise they cease to exist. This indoctrination or plunder of the authentic female is rape. It is a death of the woman for woman’s sake and an implantation of the woman for men’s sake.  Because of this, all sexual interactions between a male and a female that comes out of this original rape is rape.  How can it not be? And worse because the authentic woman is dead and has been dead for thousands of years, men are having sex with dead women and are therefore necrophiliacs.

What would you classify the experiences that most likely make up the majority of sexual experiences for women where they feel they have no option but to have sex if not rape? If coercion is one of the categories within the context of rape, then this strengthens the viewpoint that all female/ male sexual intercourse is a form of rape.  Coercion doesn’t have to be on a conscious level either and in patriarchy it is mostly subconscious programing.  Subconscious coercion is exactly the word I would use when describing my sexual experiences as a female with men. The coercion I speak about may not be at the time of the sex act, even though most of the time it plays a part, but instead it started when I was born and socialized in patriarchy. Females born into patriarchy are coerced into believing that they are sex objects and this indoctrination continues their entire life. This is why I believe that sex between females and males in patriarchy is a form of rape for the females–precisely because females are coerced by our society to have sex with men. We are programmed, conditioned, brainwashed and so on to believe that we are flawed because we are female.  Further, because men are the default sex, the only gender that matters and is considered to be human, females must gain admittance into the human race by being with men and the closest women can be with men the more human they become and what is closer then sex?

If we look at where our society began with the enslavement of females by males, then we can begin to wake up to the fact that we are literally sleeping with the enemy, we have just forgotten this because of the fading of memory with time. If  however we remember that our patriarchal male dominated society was created by men by enslaving women, than we begin to see the coercion as much more violent. We could say that all females then suffer from a form of Stockholm’s Syndrome in that they, out of the desire to survive, became friendly with their captors and over the long expanse of time, have forgotten this horrific aspect of their enslavement. This original coercion was the largest of Coercions, with a capital “C”. Men not only enslaved women but they also broke them as human beings and impregnated them with a male prescribed female that is dependent on them. This was the original Coercion the original Rape, the rape of the authentic female.

If we then come back to current times and approach this subject with our normal amnesia, where we have forgotten that we were/are slaves, we have forgotten what was done to us, then we can say that the current coercion, with a lower case “c” may not always be done with physical violence or be called or defined traditionally as rape, but with psychological and emotional violence; by being taught first that we are flawed just because we aren’t male and second, that we must have sex with men to make up for this deficit, females who do not abide by this coercion are seen as a waste, worthless. A female for females sake doesn’t exist in patriarchy. Her worth, unlike the worth of a male, is not dependent on her value as a human being, but instead is dependent on her value to men. Therefore, if a female is a lesbian, men will exclaim “what a waste!” revealing unwittingly that a female’s worth is dependent on her sexual availability to men. The lesbian vagina is being wasted because it isn’t being penetrated by the male penis. The lesbian female should not exist because she has no use for men.

So we have to ask ourselves how can I, by suggesting that all male / female sex is rape confuse the matter of actual rape?  When I propose that all heterosexual intercourse is rape, I am suggesting that we need to question the sexual dynamic between a female and male due to patriarchal conditioning. As a woman who was socialized in patriarchy and indoctrinated like all other women about not measuring up as a woman unless I had sex with men, and at the time which was prior to my education as a feminist, I had nothing to combat these negative ideas that made me feel worthless and caused me to make harmful choices. Consequently, because of this patriarchal conditioning, I entered into sexual relations with men from a deficit, because I was a flawed woman who had no right to exist; therefore, to say no to sex was horrible because when I did this, when I said the simple two letter word “NO” I was immediately bombarded with feelings of inadequacy, guilt and fear and this made me extremely uncomfortable. When your identity depends on men and allowing them access to your body for sex, saying no is like shooting yourself in the face–a matter of life or death–existing or not existing.

So needless to say, to avoid those feelings of worthlessness and to feel as if I existed, I would say yes. I then would just want to get it over with. Then after the sex act I felt victimized, like a little piece of my authentic self-worth had been chipped away. This is ironic considering that I said yes to the sex act to keep the male prescribed false self worth that I was programed to have in tact yet at the same time by saying yes, I lost some of my real authentic self worth that lie dormant inside of me.  Because I said yes to sex out of guilt and fear of the man not liking me which in turn was a threat to my male prescribed self worth, and not out of a valid desire, I essentially allowed (not consciously) myself to be raped and the feelings that ensued were very similar but of course more subtle to the feelings of a rape victim.  These encounters with men to this day haunt me on such a deep level that they have been instrumental in sabotaging my life, because there is a part of me, deep inside of me that blames myself for saying yes to sexual intercourse with men.  My authentic self that is buried inside of me is screaming at me in anguish because it knows—I know– that I was harming my true self.

I can imagine that you might be saying that perhaps my upbringing had something to do with my insecurities, perhaps my dad abandoned me or worse–abused me–but this is not the case. My primary socialization was good for the most part. I came from an upper class family economically and my parents are still married. My childhood was pretty normal. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years and I have journeyed into my layers of issues and underneath the “Mother and Father” layer, or my primary socialization, lies something deeper and more sinister,  the death of the authentic female and five thousand years of oppression and victimization. This is what ails me as a woman and I have this in common with all women.

Currently, for the past ten years I have gained a lot of knowledge about feminism, woman’s studies and the intricacies and mechanisms of patriarchy and with that knowledge I also gained a lot of insight into myself as a woman, including all of the baggage I was carrying around and also all of the ways I was dependent on and putting my energy into men and by default into patriarchy. Because of this knowledge, I chose celibacy so that I could work on myself in order to get to a more secure place as a female so that when I do choose to have sex I make that choice from a place of empowerment instead of a place of need and victimization due to my patriarchal socialization. My current husband however did care and does care about how I feel about myself and about sex therefore he supports my choice to be celibate. If he did not support it, I would have left him. I have decided that validating and protecting myself is the number one priority and if my husband didn’t understand that, he isn’t for me. I refuse to be anything other then who I am — a woman who loves being a woman because she is a woman, not in spite of it.

Knowing all of this, we can then see more clearly that as long as patriarchy exists and there is the dynamic of males dominating females in a context where men are considered to be human beings and women their sex objects, the grey area of defining what rape is can expand to encompass patriarchy itself. Patriarchy was built and it continues to be upheld on the rape of females. Rape is one of the coercions used to keep females enslaved today whether that be by physically forcing females to have sex, how we traditionally define rape, or by males benefiting sexually and otherwise from the plunder and internment of the authentic female,  either way it is a form of coercion and thereby a form of rape.

The Sex Trap

31 Mar

Why would we want to own a word like slut? Why not choose to own words that have nothing to do with sex? Why not own the word “Independent” or” Strong” or “Empowered” ? Especially knowing that females in patriarchy are by male design considered to be the sex class? Especially knowing that when it comes to talking about female liberation or equality we always end up debating and actively fighting each other about sex. Why?? Why do we focus on our sex? Are we not human beings? Because we are conditioned to believe females are nothing more than sex, our male prescribed role in patriarchy, we get caught in the trap of arguing about sex like it is the only thing that matters when it comes to being female. This conditioning is extremely evident in feminism and it has divided feminists into opposing groups that actively fight each other, the sex positives, the liberal feminists and the radical feminists.

The sex positives and liberal feminists are focused on claiming the word slut and the sex trade in an effort to claim empowerment. This unfortunately is a trap. It keeps them fighting for the right to like sexually pleasing men, a right that they already have in abundance, instead of on liberation and equality. This is a male wet dream. Not only does this keep women divided against each other, it also keeps women in their place as the sex class. Men created the gender roles of male and female and it was by their design that females were conditioned to serve men sexually and otherwise. In patriarchy, women are considered to be sex, not human beings who matter for their own sake. Men on the other hand are human beings that matter for their own sake. When it comes to talking about men, we don’t get stuck in debating about their sexual preferences. So why are we allowing sex to divide us as feminists? Why do we get caught in the sex trap?

When we focus on reclaiming the word slut and on the sex trades pros and cons we fight each other and lose sight of female empowerment and equality which for the most part has nothing to do with sex.  Sex does not = female empowerment, just like sex does not = male empowerment. Sex is just a small aspect of who we are as women and sex is the one role that men have forced us into.  Men and unfortunately most women, have been programed to believe that women are the sex class.  That women are sex. That women are sex objects. So if women are sex in patriarchy and women are fighting to break the chains of patriarchal conditioning and male designed gender roles, how can we  do this by claiming to own or like what we are fighting to break out of?  When we fight for the right to claim the word slut and claim the sex trade as our own, are we not essentially fighting to be what men have already designed us to be in patriarchy?  Are we not playing right into the hands of our oppressors? Shouldn’t we instead focus our female energy on becoming autonomous & powerful so that we can celebrate and express our strengths as human beings?

An Open Letter Regarding a Radical Profeminist and Other Would-Be Helpers

22 Jan

This is an open letter about men who claim to be feminist and to the women who believe them. This letter is directed at women who — without any analysis or criteria — believe men who claim to be feminist. This letter is not directed at anybody else, so please ensure that you are indeed a member of the intended audience before replying. This letter has been written with the cooperation of 28 radical feminists, all of whom should be familiar to those who frequent radical feminist spaces. We are rather serious about a rather serious harm being committed with impunity.

First, you need to know why we have a valid reason for being concerned about the behavior of self-identified feminist men within feminist spaces, and our answer is simple: We have identified the subtle mechanisms utilized by “pro-feminist” men to divide and conquer, to erase the commonality from all women within feminist spaces, and whose cumulative effect results in a gross marginalization of the radical feminist position. We are not the only women to notice a problem. Megan Milanese brilliantly describes most of the tactics in her blog post about fauxminism and men — yet that list does not go far enough to analyze the extent of the problem.

So why should an erasure of the commonality inherent to all women matter to anyone besides radical feminists? Lucky Nickel makes the relevant connection for us:

Self-naming and self-identified labels mean nothing. There must be substance to the label they identify with and substance to who they claim to be. Otherwise folks can insist on calling a mouse a giraffe or claim rape is really love.

What I do think important to note is that liberals, lesbian separatists and radical feminists are all flying the radfem flag these days. The problem being, they are 3 separate and distinct political groups and ideologies, 2 of whom are inappropriately waving the radfem flag. It can get a bit tricky tho with lesbian separatists as radical feminists can also be lesbian separatists. But not all lesbians are radfems and not all radfems are lesbian separatists, or even lesbian for that matter. But in Julian Real’s case, that would be irrelevant. The dude is not a lesbian or radical feminist.

What the dude is, is a liberal. And what he is attempting to do is appropriate the radical feminist label in order to inject liberal ideology. Equality politics are liberal politics, not radical feminist politics. Radical feminists seek liberation from men and their system, not equality. Liberals focus on differences between women. Radical feminists focus on the commonality of women. Needless to say, these 2 different ideologies conflict and clash. Which delights men like Julian Real to no end. Cuz if he keeps liberal women pitted against radical feminist women, it keeps women from unifying, which in turn keeps the heat off of pricks like him and men in general. Slick, no?

In talking to each other privately, we have decided to collectively communicate the following message regarding men such as Julian Real, Hugo Schwyzer, and other men like them, who claim to be feminist allies.

These men do not speak for women as well as we can speak for ourselves and we ask that women give radical feminist bloggers the respect of reading our words, joining the discussion in comments on our blogs, and contributing to our own community rather than giving energy to men who seek to divide us on points which all feminists have in common. Men exhibiting these behaviors have inserted themselves into discussions among women when their participation was insidiously harmful in nature and we ask that you not support that behavior nor make excuses for it.

Women working together, apart from the men who seek to divide us, can create something that only women can create.